1 00:00:35,489 --> 00:00:37,200 'The story so far. 2 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,444 'In the beginning, the Universe was created. 3 00:00:41,078 --> 00:00:43,092 'This has made a lot of people very angry 4 00:00:43,212 --> 00:00:45,969 'and been widely regarded as a bad move. 5 00:00:46,239 --> 00:00:49,712 'Many races believe that it was created by some sort of god, 6 00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:51,422 'though the Jatravartid people 7 00:00:51,542 --> 00:00:55,015 'of Viltvodle VI firmly believe that the entire Universe 8 00:00:55,135 --> 00:00:57,560 'was, in fact, sneezed out of the nose 9 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,677 'of a being called the Great Green Arkleseizure. 10 00:01:01,358 --> 00:01:03,692 'The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear 11 00:01:03,812 --> 00:01:07,320 'of the time they call The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief, 12 00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:10,480 'are small blue creatures with more than 50 arms each, 13 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,020 'who are therefore unique 14 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,080 'in being the only race in history 15 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,946 'to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel. 16 00:01:18,803 --> 00:01:21,383 'However, the Great Green Arkleseizure theory 17 00:01:21,503 --> 00:01:22,769 'was not widely accepted 18 00:01:22,889 --> 00:01:24,439 'outside Viltvodle VI, 19 00:01:24,559 --> 00:01:27,320 'and so one day, a race of hyperintelligent 20 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,109 'pan-dimensional beings 21 00:01:29,229 --> 00:01:33,512 'built themselves a gigantic super-computer called Deep Thought 22 00:01:33,632 --> 00:01:35,334 'to calculate, once and for all, 23 00:01:35,454 --> 00:01:39,440 'the answer to the ultimate question of Life, the Universe 24 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,033 'and Everything. 25 00:01:41,773 --> 00:01:43,625 'For seven and a half million years, 26 00:01:43,745 --> 00:01:46,443 'Deep Thought computed and eventually announced 27 00:01:46,563 --> 00:01:49,458 'that the answer was, in fact, 42, 28 00:01:49,916 --> 00:01:52,745 'and so another even bigger computer had to be built 29 00:01:52,865 --> 00:01:55,434 'to find out what the actual question was. 30 00:01:55,798 --> 00:01:58,496 'And this computer, which was called the Earth, 31 00:01:58,616 --> 00:02:02,242 'was so large that it was frequently mistaken for a planet, 32 00:02:02,362 --> 00:02:04,991 'particularly by the strange, ape-like beings 33 00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:06,444 'who roamed its surface 34 00:02:06,564 --> 00:02:08,640 'totally unaware that they were simply part 35 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,108 'of a gigantic computer program. 36 00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:16,720 'This is very odd, because without that obvious piece of knowledge, 37 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,320 'nothing that happened on Earth 38 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,197 'could possibly make the slightest bit of sense. 39 00:02:21,572 --> 00:02:24,191 'However, at the critical moment of read-out, 40 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,812 'the Earth was unexpectedly demolished 41 00:02:26,932 --> 00:02:29,630 'to make way for a new hyperspace by-pass, 42 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,354 'and the only native Earth people who survived the demolition 43 00:02:33,474 --> 00:02:35,069 'are now being shot at 44 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,913 'behind a computer bank 45 00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:39,360 'on the lost planet of Magrathea, 46 00:02:39,602 --> 00:02:42,593 'along with their strange companions from Betelgeuse, 47 00:02:42,713 --> 00:02:45,517 'who are currently singing a Betelgeuse death anthem 48 00:02:45,637 --> 00:02:49,183 'on the very sensible grounds that they are about to die. 49 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,435 'This is what the computer bank is about to do. 50 00:02:55,230 --> 00:02:57,315 'And the time at which it is going to do it 51 00:02:57,435 --> 00:03:00,661 'is 4.2 seconds from now.' 52 00:03:21,476 --> 00:03:24,388 Good evening, madam, gentlemen. 53 00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:26,783 Do you have a reservation? 54 00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:30,480 - Reservation? - Yes, sir. 55 00:03:30,923 --> 00:03:33,259 Do you need a reservation for the afterlife? 56 00:03:33,565 --> 00:03:35,561 The afterlife? 57 00:03:35,972 --> 00:03:37,533 Is this the afterlife? 58 00:03:37,653 --> 00:03:40,443 Yeah. I mean, yeah! 59 00:03:40,563 --> 00:03:42,600 I mean, yeah... 60 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:46,523 There's no way we could have survived that blast in there. 61 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,864 - No. - None at all. 62 00:03:47,984 --> 00:03:49,276 I certainly didn't survive. 63 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,376 I was a total goner! Wham! Bam! And that was it! 64 00:03:52,496 --> 00:03:53,667 Yeah, we didn't stand a chance. 65 00:03:53,787 --> 00:03:57,302 We were blown to bits - arms and legs everywhere! 66 00:03:57,422 --> 00:03:59,777 Yeah! Kerpow! Splat! 67 00:03:59,897 --> 00:04:00,695 Would you care to order drinks? 68 00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:04,640 Instantaneously zonked into component molecules! 69 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:08,580 Hey, Ford, did you get that thing of your whole life flashing before you? 70 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,904 Yeah! Did you get that, too? 71 00:04:11,024 --> 00:04:13,581 - Oh! Your whole life! - Yeah! 72 00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:14,647 At least, I assume it was mine. 73 00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:17,174 I spent a lot of time out of my skulls. 74 00:04:17,421 --> 00:04:19,178 - So... - So what? 75 00:04:19,298 --> 00:04:21,433 - Here we are, lying dead... - Standing. 76 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,769 - Standing dead in this desolate... - Restaurant. 77 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:27,527 - Standing dead in this desolate... - Five-star restaurant. 78 00:04:28,032 --> 00:04:29,089 Well, yeah. 79 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,119 Odd, isn't it? 80 00:04:32,612 --> 00:04:34,220 Nice decor, though. 81 00:04:34,678 --> 00:04:37,402 You know, it's not so much an afterlife, more sort of apr�s vie. 82 00:04:37,522 --> 00:04:41,951 Hey, you dead guys! We're missing some ultra important thing here - 83 00:04:42,071 --> 00:04:43,691 something somebody said and we missed it! 84 00:04:43,811 --> 00:04:46,626 - I said it was more apr�s vie. - Don't you wish you hadn't? ...Ford? 85 00:04:46,746 --> 00:04:49,733 - I said it was odd. - Shrewd but dull... . Trillian? 86 00:04:49,853 --> 00:04:52,960 Er... um... pass. 87 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,880 Would you care to discuss the matter over drinks? 88 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,563 Drinks! That was it! 89 00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:00,987 You see what you miss if you don't stay alert? 90 00:05:01,107 --> 00:05:04,944 If the lady and gentlemen would like to order drinks before dinner... 91 00:05:05,064 --> 00:05:06,365 Yeah, great! 92 00:05:06,485 --> 00:05:09,277 ...and the Universe will explode later for your pleasure. 93 00:05:09,397 --> 00:05:12,287 Wow! What sort of drinks do you serve in this place? 94 00:05:12,407 --> 00:05:15,457 I think sir has misunderstood me. 95 00:05:15,577 --> 00:05:16,939 I hope not! 96 00:05:17,059 --> 00:05:19,062 It is not unusual for customers 97 00:05:19,182 --> 00:05:22,186 to be disorientated by the time journey. 98 00:05:22,306 --> 00:05:24,240 - Time journey? - What time journey? 99 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,560 You mean... this isn't the afterlife? 100 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,011 Afterlife? 101 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:30,802 No, sir. 102 00:05:31,905 --> 00:05:33,360 Then we're not... dead? 103 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:34,700 Aha! 104 00:05:34,993 --> 00:05:36,743 Sir is most evidently alive, 105 00:05:36,863 --> 00:05:39,560 otherwise I would not attempt to serve, sir! 106 00:05:39,878 --> 00:05:43,157 Ha, ha. Then where the photon are we? 107 00:05:47,783 --> 00:05:50,026 Hey, I've sussed it! 108 00:05:50,146 --> 00:05:52,440 This must be... 109 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,095 Milliways! 110 00:05:56,714 --> 00:05:57,935 Milliways! 111 00:05:58,055 --> 00:06:00,760 Yes, this is Milliways. 112 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:01,992 Milliways? 113 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,810 The Restaurant at the End of the Universe! 114 00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:07,194 - End of what? - The Universe. 115 00:06:07,314 --> 00:06:10,059 - When did that end? - In just a few minutes, sir. 116 00:06:10,179 --> 00:06:11,937 Now, if you will order drinks, 117 00:06:12,057 --> 00:06:16,649 I will show you to your table in the main part of the restaurant. 118 00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:19,678 I suppose there's no chance of a cup of tea? 119 00:06:19,798 --> 00:06:20,475 None. 120 00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:28,459 'The Restaurant at the End of the Universe 121 00:06:28,579 --> 00:06:30,578 'is one of the most extraordinary ventures 122 00:06:30,698 --> 00:06:32,926 'in the entire history of catering. 123 00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:37,517 'A vast time bubble has been projected into the far future 124 00:06:37,637 --> 00:06:40,887 'to the precise moment of the End of the Universe. 125 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,467 'You can arrive without prior reservation, 126 00:06:46,587 --> 00:06:48,865 'because you can book retrospectively 127 00:06:48,985 --> 00:06:50,896 'in advance, as it were, 128 00:06:51,016 --> 00:06:53,872 'when you return to your own time. 129 00:06:56,385 --> 00:06:58,487 'You can visit it as many times as you like 130 00:06:58,607 --> 00:07:00,976 'and be sure of never meeting yourself 131 00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:04,202 'because of the embarrassment this usually causes. 132 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:13,461 'You just deposit one penny in a savings account in your own era, 133 00:07:13,581 --> 00:07:15,516 'and when you arrive at the End of Time, 134 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,757 'the operation of compound interest 135 00:07:17,877 --> 00:07:21,928 'means that the fabulous cost of your meal has been paid for. 136 00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:27,432 '... which is why the advertising executives 137 00:07:27,552 --> 00:07:31,742 'of the star system of Bastablon came up with this slogan: 138 00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:43,529 This way, please. 139 00:07:43,799 --> 00:07:45,920 Wowee! Zappo! 140 00:07:46,159 --> 00:07:48,318 Incredible! The people... 141 00:07:48,438 --> 00:07:49,640 the things! 142 00:07:49,882 --> 00:07:51,855 The things are also people. 143 00:07:51,975 --> 00:07:54,320 The people? The also people? 144 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,965 The lights! 145 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,456 The food! 146 00:08:00,429 --> 00:08:02,296 The clothes! 147 00:08:04,045 --> 00:08:05,680 The clothes?! 148 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,360 Yeah, the clothes! 149 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,343 The End of the Universe is very popular. 150 00:08:09,463 --> 00:08:11,985 People dress up for it. Gives it a sense of occasion. 151 00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:16,083 Hey, everybody's here. You know - everybody who was anybody! 152 00:08:16,203 --> 00:08:17,762 Hi, guys! How did you do? 153 00:08:17,882 --> 00:08:20,025 Hi! 154 00:08:22,831 --> 00:08:25,952 Hey, Zaphod! There's an old mate of mine. Look, see! 155 00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,528 It's Hotblack Desiato! 156 00:08:27,648 --> 00:08:30,280 See the big guy in the platinum suit? 157 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,880 Oh, yeah. 158 00:08:32,121 --> 00:08:34,223 Wow! Did he ever make it megabig. 159 00:08:34,343 --> 00:08:36,911 Bigger than the biggest thing ever - other than me. 160 00:08:37,031 --> 00:08:39,600 - Who is he? - Hotblack Desiato? 161 00:08:40,247 --> 00:08:41,960 You never heard of Disaster Area? 162 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,723 - No. - The biggest, loudest... 163 00:08:43,843 --> 00:08:45,695 - Richest... - Rock band in the history of... 164 00:08:45,815 --> 00:08:47,832 - History itself! - Yeah! 165 00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:48,807 No. 166 00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:51,680 We're at the End of the Universe 167 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,522 and you haven't even lived yet! Hey, did you miss out! 168 00:08:57,197 --> 00:09:00,083 Hey, waiter, bring me volume three of the wine list. 169 00:09:03,382 --> 00:09:05,520 Hey, Hotblack! 170 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:09,153 How you doing? Great to see you, big boy! How's the noise? 171 00:09:09,273 --> 00:09:11,840 You are looking great! 172 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,885 Really very, very fat and unwell. Amazing! 173 00:09:15,005 --> 00:09:16,244 Remember the old days? 174 00:09:16,364 --> 00:09:18,322 Wow! We used to hang out! 175 00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:20,494 The Bistro Illegal, remember? 176 00:09:20,614 --> 00:09:22,690 The Evildrome Boozarama? 177 00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:25,520 Slim's Throat Emporium? 178 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,362 Great days, eh? 179 00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:29,978 When we were hungry, we'd pose as health inspectors 180 00:09:30,098 --> 00:09:32,822 and confiscate meals and drinks, and get food poisoning! 181 00:09:32,942 --> 00:09:36,262 And you were up all night trying to write songs, and we all hated them! 182 00:09:36,382 --> 00:09:40,125 You didn't care, but we did because we hated them so much. 183 00:09:40,245 --> 00:09:41,925 You said you didn't want to be a star 184 00:09:42,045 --> 00:09:44,459 because you despised the star system, 185 00:09:44,579 --> 00:09:48,371 and we said we didn't think you had the option. And what do you do now? 186 00:09:48,876 --> 00:09:51,182 You BUY star systems! 187 00:09:51,302 --> 00:09:55,100 Here is a guy who buys star systems! 188 00:09:55,573 --> 00:09:58,440 What's that number you do? That really huge one? How does it go? 189 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,156 Er... da... da... da... something. 190 00:10:01,276 --> 00:10:04,764 And in this stage act, it ends with the ship crashing right into the sun 191 00:10:04,884 --> 00:10:06,031 and you actually DO it! 192 00:10:06,151 --> 00:10:08,960 I mean, ship... sun... bang! 193 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,610 I mean, forget lasers. 194 00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:14,278 You guys are into solar flares and real sunburn, 195 00:10:14,398 --> 00:10:15,992 and terrible songs! 196 00:10:16,112 --> 00:10:18,320 Yeah! Let's have a drink! 197 00:10:18,564 --> 00:10:19,773 Yeah! 198 00:10:23,671 --> 00:10:24,808 Hotblack? 199 00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:31,266 Kid. Beat it! 200 00:10:32,921 --> 00:10:33,926 Who are you? 201 00:10:35,422 --> 00:10:36,968 I'm the guy that's telling you to beat it, 202 00:10:37,088 --> 00:10:38,673 before it gets beaten for you. 203 00:10:39,413 --> 00:10:40,640 Now, listen, 204 00:10:41,796 --> 00:10:44,465 I am one of Hotblack's oldest friends 205 00:10:44,585 --> 00:10:45,580 and I... 206 00:10:46,226 --> 00:10:48,724 And I am Mr Desiato's bodyguard 207 00:10:48,844 --> 00:10:50,441 and I'm responsible for his body, 208 00:10:50,561 --> 00:10:52,954 and I am not responsible for yours, 209 00:10:53,074 --> 00:10:56,531 so take it away before it gets damaged! 210 00:10:57,353 --> 00:10:58,560 Now, wait a minute... 211 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,100 No minutes. 212 00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:01,744 No waiting. 213 00:11:01,864 --> 00:11:04,680 Mr Desiato speaks to no one. 214 00:11:05,002 --> 00:11:07,600 Well, perhaps you'd better let him speak for himself. 215 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,934 He speaks to no one. 216 00:11:10,054 --> 00:11:12,552 Oh, why? What's the matter with him? 217 00:11:12,810 --> 00:11:15,667 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy notes that: 218 00:12:48,839 --> 00:12:51,920 Oh, hi, there, Ford. Did you talk to your big-noise friend? 219 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:56,240 Hot... Hotblack? Yeah, I sort of spoke to him, yeah. 220 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,706 Well, what did he say? 221 00:12:57,826 --> 00:13:01,463 - Er... not a lot. He's, um... - Yeah? 222 00:13:01,583 --> 00:13:03,893 Spending a year dead for tax reasons. 223 00:13:04,013 --> 00:13:06,138 Oh, yeah? Neat! 224 00:13:07,418 --> 00:13:10,271 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! 225 00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:14,665 Ladies and gentlemen, 226 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,413 the Universe as we know it has been in existence 227 00:13:17,533 --> 00:13:21,920 for 170,000 million billion years, 228 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,539 and will be ending in a little over ten minutes' time. 229 00:13:24,659 --> 00:13:27,475 So, welcome one and all to Milliways, 230 00:13:27,595 --> 00:13:30,927 the Restaurant at the End of the Universe! 231 00:13:33,739 --> 00:13:36,600 I am your host for this evening, Max Quordlepleen, 232 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,000 and I have come straight from the very, very other End of Time, 233 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,316 where I've been hosting a show at the Big Bang Burger Bar, 234 00:13:43,436 --> 00:13:46,636 where we had a very exciting evening, ladies and gentlemen, 235 00:13:46,756 --> 00:13:47,848 and I will be with you 236 00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:52,120 right through this tremendous historic occasion - 237 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,396 the end of history 238 00:13:54,516 --> 00:13:56,320 itself. 239 00:13:57,444 --> 00:13:57,984 So... 240 00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,680 now, ladies and gentlemen, 241 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,842 take your places at the table. 242 00:14:02,962 --> 00:14:04,800 The candles are lit, the band is playing, 243 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,120 and as the force-shielded dome above us slides apart 244 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,515 revealing a dark and sullen sky 245 00:14:10,635 --> 00:14:13,885 hung with the ancient light of livid, swollen stars, 246 00:14:14,005 --> 00:14:19,269 I can see we are in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse! 247 00:14:21,206 --> 00:14:22,944 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, 248 00:14:23,064 --> 00:14:26,160 I'll be back again in a moment. 249 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,019 Would you all like to see the menu, 250 00:14:28,139 --> 00:14:30,743 or would you care to meet the dish of the day? 251 00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:32,410 - Meet? - What is it? 252 00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:36,320 It's an Amiglion Major cow. I'll bring him over. 253 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,198 OK, we'll meet the meat. That's cool! 254 00:14:42,309 --> 00:14:44,680 Beugh... A-hem... 255 00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:47,570 Good evening, madam and gentlemen, 256 00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:50,000 I am the main dish of the day. 257 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,147 May I interest you in parts of my body? 258 00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,496 Huh? 259 00:14:57,362 --> 00:14:58,102 Oh, well. 260 00:14:58,222 --> 00:15:00,811 Something off my shoulder, perhaps? 261 00:15:00,931 --> 00:15:05,000 - Braised in a white wine sauce? - Your shoulder?! 262 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,917 Well, naturally mine, sir. 263 00:15:07,037 --> 00:15:09,850 Nobody else's is mine to offer! 264 00:15:10,272 --> 00:15:12,174 The rump is very good, sir. 265 00:15:12,294 --> 00:15:15,474 I have been exercising and eating plenty of grain, 266 00:15:15,594 --> 00:15:18,010 so there's a lot of good meat there. 267 00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:22,832 Or a casserole of me, perhaps? 268 00:15:23,161 --> 00:15:26,437 You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it? 269 00:15:26,557 --> 00:15:29,680 Me? I don't mean anything. 270 00:15:29,924 --> 00:15:31,916 It's the most revolting thing 271 00:15:32,036 --> 00:15:34,320 - I've ever heard! - What's the problem? 272 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,891 I don't want to eat an animal that's inviting me to! 273 00:15:39,011 --> 00:15:40,960 It's better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be eaten. 274 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,211 That's not the point. 275 00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:44,877 Well, maybe it is the point. 276 00:15:44,997 --> 00:15:46,802 I don't want to talk about it. 277 00:15:46,922 --> 00:15:48,693 I'll have a green salad. 278 00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:53,040 May I urge you, sir, to consider my liver? 279 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,507 It must be very rich and tender by now. 280 00:15:55,627 --> 00:15:59,112 I have been force-feeding myself for months. 281 00:16:00,603 --> 00:16:02,526 Green salad, please. 282 00:16:02,808 --> 00:16:04,463 A green salad! 283 00:16:06,471 --> 00:16:08,880 Is there any reason why I shouldn't have a green salad? 284 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,320 I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point, sir, 285 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,080 which is why it was decided to cut through the whole tangled problem 286 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,079 by breeding an animal that actually wanted to be eaten 287 00:16:19,199 --> 00:16:21,080 and was capable of saying so 288 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,760 clearly and distinctly. 289 00:16:22,977 --> 00:16:26,374 And here I am! 290 00:16:26,494 --> 00:16:27,539 A glass of water...? 291 00:16:27,659 --> 00:16:30,944 Listen, we want to eat! We don't want to make a meal of the issues. 292 00:16:31,064 --> 00:16:35,649 - Four rare steaks, please. - Very wise choice, sir. 293 00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:37,257 I'll just nip off 294 00:16:37,377 --> 00:16:38,520 and shoot meself. 295 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:39,970 Oh, God! 296 00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:41,661 Don't worry, sir. 297 00:16:41,884 --> 00:16:43,640 I'll be very humane. 298 00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:46,244 What's eating you, Earthman? 299 00:16:49,378 --> 00:16:51,800 Hello, ladies and gentlemen! 300 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,120 Is everybody having one last wonderful time? 301 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,280 Good. 302 00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,703 And now, 303 00:16:59,823 --> 00:17:02,474 as the photon storms gather in swirling clouds around us, 304 00:17:02,594 --> 00:17:05,199 preparing to tear apart the last of the red hot suns, 305 00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:08,028 I hope you will all enjoy with me 306 00:17:08,148 --> 00:17:10,752 what I know you will find a tremendously exciting 307 00:17:10,872 --> 00:17:13,230 and terminal experience. 308 00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,483 Believe me, ladies and gentlemen, 309 00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:17,949 there is nothing penultimate about this one. 310 00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:20,332 This one, ladies and gentlemen, 311 00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:22,880 is the proverbial IT! 312 00:17:23,679 --> 00:17:24,321 After this, 313 00:17:24,441 --> 00:17:26,740 there is void, 314 00:17:27,538 --> 00:17:28,724 emptiness, 315 00:17:28,844 --> 00:17:30,344 oblivion, 316 00:17:31,331 --> 00:17:33,515 absolute... 317 00:17:34,031 --> 00:17:35,551 nothing. 318 00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:38,883 Except of course for the sweet trolley 319 00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:41,668 and our fine selection of Aldebran liqueurs! 320 00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:43,559 And for once, ladies and gentlemen, 321 00:17:43,679 --> 00:17:45,946 there is no need to worry about having a hangover in the morning, 322 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,459 for there will be no more mornings! 323 00:17:51,864 --> 00:17:53,003 And now, at the risk of putting a damper 324 00:17:53,123 --> 00:17:55,847 on this wonderful atmosphere of doom and futility, 325 00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:58,809 I'd like to welcome a few parties. 326 00:17:58,929 --> 00:18:03,901 Now, do we have a party from the Zansellquasure Flamarion Bridge Club 327 00:18:04,021 --> 00:18:05,923 from beyond the Vortvoid of Qvarne? 328 00:18:08,439 --> 00:18:11,292 Last bids now, and no cheating! 329 00:18:11,412 --> 00:18:13,324 This is a very solemn moment! 330 00:18:13,746 --> 00:18:16,097 And a party of minor deities 331 00:18:16,217 --> 00:18:18,151 from the halls of Asgaard? 332 00:18:24,397 --> 00:18:27,262 And a party of young Conservatives from Sirius B? 333 00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:32,175 This is all your fault, of course! 334 00:18:33,361 --> 00:18:35,955 And lastly, a party of devout believers 335 00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:38,348 from the Church of the Second Coming 336 00:18:38,468 --> 00:18:40,591 of the Great Prophet Zarquon. 337 00:18:44,301 --> 00:18:46,532 Still waiting for the second coming. 338 00:18:46,990 --> 00:18:49,918 Well, fellas, let's hope he hurries. He's got eight minutes left! 339 00:18:50,411 --> 00:18:53,475 But seriously, though, no offence meant. 340 00:18:53,595 --> 00:18:55,460 I know one shouldn't make fun of deeply held beliefs, 341 00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:59,713 so I think a great big hand for the Great Prophet Zarquon... 342 00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:04,786 ...wherever he's got to! 343 00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:09,765 It's marvellous to see so many of you here tonight. 344 00:19:09,885 --> 00:19:11,010 No, isn't it, though? 345 00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:13,804 Because I know so many of you come time and time again 346 00:19:13,924 --> 00:19:16,913 to watch this final end of everything, 347 00:19:17,033 --> 00:19:19,560 and then return home to your own eras 348 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,075 and raise families, 349 00:19:21,195 --> 00:19:23,174 strive for new and better societies, 350 00:19:23,294 --> 00:19:26,241 and fight terrible wars for what you know is right. 351 00:19:26,361 --> 00:19:30,714 It gives one real hope for the whole future of lifekind... 352 00:19:31,231 --> 00:19:31,830 except, of course, 353 00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:34,519 we know it hasn't got one! 354 00:19:38,747 --> 00:19:40,508 Excuse me, sir. 355 00:19:41,456 --> 00:19:41,800 Who, me? 356 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,593 - Mr Zaphod Beeblebrox? - Er, yeah. 357 00:19:45,713 --> 00:19:48,219 There is a phone call for you, sir. 358 00:19:48,465 --> 00:19:50,075 - Hey, what? - Here? 359 00:19:50,195 --> 00:19:51,613 Who knows where I am? 360 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,560 Maybe the Galactic Police have traced you here. 361 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,559 So they can arrest me over the phone? 362 00:19:56,793 --> 00:19:58,930 Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when cornered. 363 00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:02,170 Yeah, you go to pieces so fast, people get hit by the shrapnel! 364 00:20:02,290 --> 00:20:05,800 - Hey, what is this? Judgement Day? - Is it that as well? Terrific! 365 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,040 Who's the cat on the phone? Pass the wine, Ford. 366 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,588 I am not personally acquainted with the metal gentleman, sir... 367 00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:13,163 Metal? 368 00:20:13,283 --> 00:20:15,875 ...but am informed he has been awaiting your return 369 00:20:15,995 --> 00:20:18,447 for a considerable number of millennia. 370 00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:21,880 You left here somewhat precipitately. 371 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,520 Left here? We've only just arrived! 372 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,080 Indeed, sir, 373 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,088 but before you arrived here, you left. 374 00:20:30,086 --> 00:20:33,172 You're saying that before we arrived here, 375 00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:34,400 we left here? 376 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,440 That is what I said, sir. 377 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,151 Put your analyst on danger money, baby! 378 00:20:39,597 --> 00:20:40,548 Wait. 379 00:20:41,828 --> 00:20:43,564 Where exactly is here? 380 00:20:43,684 --> 00:20:45,785 The planet Magrathea, sir. 381 00:20:45,905 --> 00:20:48,240 But we just left there. 382 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,160 We're at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, I thought! 383 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,956 Precisely, sir. 384 00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:56,044 The one was constructed on the ruins of the other. 385 00:20:56,164 --> 00:21:00,360 Ah, I see! So you mean we've travelled in time but not in space? 386 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,137 You semi-evolved simian! Go climb a tree! 387 00:21:03,257 --> 00:21:04,779 Go bang your heads together, four eyes! 388 00:21:04,899 --> 00:21:08,419 No, no. Your monkey has got it right. 389 00:21:08,539 --> 00:21:10,969 You jumped forward many millions of years in time 390 00:21:11,089 --> 00:21:13,578 whilst retaining the same position in space. 391 00:21:13,871 --> 00:21:16,280 Your friend has been awaiting you in the meantime. 392 00:21:16,725 --> 00:21:19,190 Marvin! It must be Marvin! 393 00:21:19,507 --> 00:21:20,540 The paranoid android! 394 00:21:20,660 --> 00:21:23,560 Space cookies! Hand me the rap rod plate, captain! 395 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,589 I beg your pardon, sir? 396 00:21:25,812 --> 00:21:27,206 The phone, waiter! 397 00:21:27,326 --> 00:21:30,103 You guys are so unhip, it's a wonder your bums don't fall off! 398 00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:32,040 The phone, sir. 399 00:21:32,486 --> 00:21:34,879 Hi, Marvin. How are you doing? 400 00:21:34,999 --> 00:21:36,502 I think you ought to know 401 00:21:36,622 --> 00:21:38,607 I'm feeling very depressed. 402 00:21:38,727 --> 00:21:41,720 Yeah? We're having a great time - wine, food, 403 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,087 and the Universe going foom! 404 00:21:44,207 --> 00:21:45,297 Where are you, Marvin? 405 00:21:45,417 --> 00:21:48,704 You don't have to pretend to be interested in me, you know. 406 00:21:48,824 --> 00:21:52,108 I know perfectly well I'm only a menial robot. 407 00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:53,529 Yeah, but where are you? 408 00:21:53,649 --> 00:21:56,042 "Reverse primary thrust, Marvin," 409 00:21:56,162 --> 00:21:57,388 that's what they say to me. 410 00:21:57,508 --> 00:21:59,901 "Open airlock number three, Marvin. 411 00:22:00,021 --> 00:22:03,000 "Marvin, can you pick up that piece of paper?" 412 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,400 Here I am, brain the size of a planet, 413 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,231 picking up a piece of paper! 414 00:22:08,351 --> 00:22:09,185 Yeah. Marvin... 415 00:22:09,305 --> 00:22:11,977 But I'm quite used to being humiliated. 416 00:22:12,097 --> 00:22:13,811 I can even go and stick my head 417 00:22:13,931 --> 00:22:16,320 in a bucket of water if you like. 418 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,132 I mean, if that's what you really want. 419 00:22:19,848 --> 00:22:22,901 Would you like me to stick my head in a bucket of water? 420 00:22:23,021 --> 00:22:25,707 - I've got one ready. - Marvin, um... 421 00:22:26,105 --> 00:22:27,596 What's he saying, Zaphod? 422 00:22:27,716 --> 00:22:30,649 Nothing. He just phoned to wash his head at us. 423 00:22:30,769 --> 00:22:33,970 Marvin, will you please tell us where you are! 424 00:22:34,090 --> 00:22:37,978 - I'm in the car park. - What are you doing in the car park? 425 00:22:38,098 --> 00:22:41,700 Parking cars. What else does one do in a car park? 426 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:45,223 OK, stay there. I'll be down in a minute. 427 00:22:45,343 --> 00:22:46,765 That makes two of us. 428 00:22:46,885 --> 00:22:49,830 Come on, guys, let's go! Marvin's down in the car park. 429 00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:51,873 What's he doing there? 430 00:22:51,993 --> 00:22:55,231 Parking cars, what else, dum-dum? Come on, let's go! 431 00:22:56,534 --> 00:22:58,722 Now, an interesting effect to watch for 432 00:22:58,842 --> 00:23:01,211 is in the upper left-hand quadrant of the sky, 433 00:23:01,331 --> 00:23:04,331 where you can see the star system of Hastromil 434 00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:06,680 boiling away into the ultraviolet. 435 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,915 Anyone here from Hastromil? 436 00:23:10,608 --> 00:23:11,583 Well, it's too late to worry about 437 00:23:11,703 --> 00:23:14,231 whether you left the gas on at home now! 438 00:23:14,818 --> 00:23:16,685 There he is! Marvin! 439 00:23:16,805 --> 00:23:20,160 Hey, Marvin, kid, are we pleased to see you! 440 00:23:20,548 --> 00:23:23,912 No, you're not! No one ever is. 441 00:23:24,032 --> 00:23:24,476 Suit yourself. 442 00:23:24,596 --> 00:23:26,413 No, Marvin, really we are! 443 00:23:26,533 --> 00:23:27,364 Quite. 444 00:23:27,484 --> 00:23:30,944 Hanging around waiting for us all this time! 445 00:23:31,064 --> 00:23:34,053 The first ten million years were the worst. 446 00:23:34,173 --> 00:23:36,307 And the second ten million, 447 00:23:36,427 --> 00:23:38,130 they were the worst, too. 448 00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:41,587 The third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. 449 00:23:41,707 --> 00:23:44,067 After that, I went into a bit of a decline. 450 00:23:44,187 --> 00:23:46,157 Poor old Marvin! 451 00:23:46,277 --> 00:23:50,240 It's the people you meet in this job who really get you down. 452 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:51,973 The best conversation I had 453 00:23:52,093 --> 00:23:54,240 was over 34 million years ago. 454 00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:56,095 Oh, dear. 455 00:23:56,717 --> 00:23:59,006 And that was with a coffee machine. 456 00:23:59,126 --> 00:24:02,000 Hey, Zaph, look at this baby. 457 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,960 The tangerine star buggy with black sun busters. 458 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,360 Hey, get this number. 459 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,823 Multicluster Quark drive with perspulax running boards! 460 00:24:10,943 --> 00:24:13,720 This has got to be a Lazlar Lyricon custom job. 461 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,623 I was passed by one of these mothers out by the Axel Nebula. 462 00:24:16,743 --> 00:24:20,160 I was going flat out and this thing just strolled past me! 463 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,555 - It was incredible! - Too much! 464 00:24:22,675 --> 00:24:23,436 Ten seconds later 465 00:24:23,556 --> 00:24:26,491 it smashed straight into the third moon of Jaglan Beta. 466 00:24:26,611 --> 00:24:28,053 Great-looking ship, though. 467 00:24:28,173 --> 00:24:32,587 Looks like a fish, moves like a fish, steers like a cow. 468 00:24:32,707 --> 00:24:36,320 Yeah, that really is bad for the eyes! 469 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:40,531 It's so black! You can hardly see it. Light just falls into it. 470 00:24:41,541 --> 00:24:42,806 Hey, feel this surface! 471 00:24:42,926 --> 00:24:45,151 Yeah... Hey, you can't! 472 00:24:45,271 --> 00:24:47,276 It's just totally frictionless! 473 00:24:47,396 --> 00:24:49,960 This must be one mother of a mover. 474 00:24:50,442 --> 00:24:51,557 Well, what do you reckon, Ford? 475 00:24:52,097 --> 00:24:55,303 You reckon we should just stroll off with it? Do you think we should? 476 00:24:55,423 --> 00:24:56,383 - No. - Neither do I. 477 00:24:56,503 --> 00:24:57,898 - Let's do it. - OK. 478 00:24:58,018 --> 00:24:59,765 We'd better hurry. In a few seconds, the Universe will end, 479 00:24:59,885 --> 00:25:03,945 and all those creeps will come for their bourgemobiles. 480 00:25:04,065 --> 00:25:06,540 Hey, Zaph. How do you get into it? 481 00:25:07,010 --> 00:25:09,348 Just don't spoil a beautiful idea, Ford. 482 00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:12,131 - Maybe the robot can figure it out! - Hey, Marvin! 483 00:25:12,251 --> 00:25:14,127 We've got a job for you. 484 00:25:14,247 --> 00:25:15,219 I won't enjoy it. 485 00:25:15,339 --> 00:25:18,830 Yes, you will. There's a whole new life stretching out in front of you! 486 00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:21,413 - Oh, not another one! - Shut up and listen! 487 00:25:21,533 --> 00:25:25,733 There'll be excitement and adventure and really wild things! 488 00:25:25,853 --> 00:25:27,920 - Sounds awful. - But, Marvin... 489 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,360 I suppose you want me to help you 490 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,479 to get into this spaceship... 491 00:25:32,599 --> 00:25:33,254 Marvin, will you just listen! 492 00:25:33,374 --> 00:25:36,440 ...and open the door for you. 493 00:25:36,683 --> 00:25:38,080 What? 494 00:25:38,448 --> 00:25:40,268 Er... Yeah. 495 00:25:40,550 --> 00:25:42,480 Well, I wish you'd just tell me 496 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,400 rather than try to engage my enthusiasm, 497 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,178 because I haven't got one. 498 00:25:50,326 --> 00:25:53,884 Abracadiodularservosystems. 499 00:26:01,082 --> 00:26:02,268 How did you do that, Marvin? 500 00:26:02,388 --> 00:26:05,944 Oh, didn't I tell you I've got a brain the size of a planet? 501 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:06,877 Oh, yeah. 502 00:26:07,487 --> 00:26:10,106 Hey, Zaph, come and have a look at this. 503 00:26:10,226 --> 00:26:12,904 Hey! Weird! 504 00:26:13,327 --> 00:26:14,806 It's so black. 505 00:26:15,076 --> 00:26:18,106 Everything in it is just totally black! 506 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,055 Well, this is very pretty, I must say! 507 00:26:35,175 --> 00:26:37,649 Yeah, I like a change of scene! 508 00:26:37,978 --> 00:26:41,527 Hey! This is one ace wonderful ship, eh, Ford! 509 00:26:41,647 --> 00:26:42,325 Yeah. 510 00:26:44,685 --> 00:26:46,728 Pity it doesn't seem to work, isn't it? 511 00:26:50,086 --> 00:26:51,771 - Ah, well. - Hey, where are you going? 512 00:26:51,891 --> 00:26:54,601 To find another ship. One with a single red button suits me. 513 00:26:54,721 --> 00:26:58,346 Hey, listen, Ford. This is the most stylish heap I have ever been in! 514 00:26:58,466 --> 00:27:01,040 We are gonna make it work, OK? 515 00:27:01,329 --> 00:27:02,113 YOU make it work! 516 00:27:02,233 --> 00:27:04,720 I can make any ship work! 517 00:27:05,237 --> 00:27:06,622 You hear that, ship? 518 00:27:09,511 --> 00:27:11,200 Hey! I did it! 519 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,360 OK, guys, we're on our way! 520 00:27:13,784 --> 00:27:14,500 Where? 521 00:27:14,620 --> 00:27:17,040 Who cares where? We just go! 522 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,105 Yeah! 523 00:27:20,911 --> 00:27:24,097 Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for! 524 00:27:24,217 --> 00:27:26,279 The skies begin to tremble! 525 00:27:26,399 --> 00:27:28,665 Nature collapses into the screaming void! 526 00:27:28,785 --> 00:27:30,121 In 15 seconds' time, 527 00:27:30,241 --> 00:27:34,220 the Universe itself will be at an end! 528 00:27:34,340 --> 00:27:38,587 See where the light of infinity bursts in upon us! 529 00:27:39,514 --> 00:27:42,262 What's this? What's happening? Who's this? 530 00:27:42,382 --> 00:27:44,487 I don't believe it! 531 00:27:44,607 --> 00:27:47,129 Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand, please, 532 00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:50,520 for the Great Prophet Zarquon! 533 00:27:53,121 --> 00:27:56,360 Er, hello, everybody. I'm sorry I'm a bit late. Had a terrible time. 534 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,120 All sorts of things cropping up at the last moment. 535 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:00,753 How are we for time? 536 00:28:06,212 --> 00:28:07,794 'One of the major selling points 537 00:28:07,914 --> 00:28:09,739 'of that wholly remarkable book: 538 00:28:12,299 --> 00:28:14,225 'apart from its relative cheapness, 539 00:28:14,248 --> 00:28:17,027 'and the fact it has the words "Don't Panic" 540 00:28:17,147 --> 00:28:19,600 'in large friendly letters on the cover, 541 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,704 'is its compendious and occasionally accurate glossary. 542 00:28:24,546 --> 00:28:25,697 'Its simplistic style 543 00:28:25,817 --> 00:28:28,277 'is partly explained by the fact that its editor, 544 00:28:28,397 --> 00:28:30,386 'having to meet a publishing deadline, 545 00:28:30,506 --> 00:28:34,543 'copied the information off the back of a packet of breakfast cereal, 546 00:28:34,790 --> 00:28:37,279 'hastily embroidering it with a few footnotes 547 00:28:37,399 --> 00:28:38,873 'in order to avoid prosecution 548 00:28:38,993 --> 00:28:43,502 'under the incomprehensibly tortuous Galactic copyright laws. 549 00:28:44,993 --> 00:28:47,917 'It is interesting to note that a later and wilier editor 550 00:28:48,037 --> 00:28:49,911 'sent the book backwards in time 551 00:28:50,031 --> 00:28:51,367 'through a temporal warp, 552 00:28:51,487 --> 00:28:54,913 'and then successfully sued the breakfast cereal company 553 00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:57,261 'for infringement of the same laws. 554 00:28:58,260 --> 00:29:01,588 'Here's a sample in both headings and footnotes: 555 00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,892 Basically, what you're telling me is that the ship is out of control!' 556 00:31:07,443 --> 00:31:09,560 The weird colour scheme freaks me. 557 00:31:10,168 --> 00:31:13,937 Every time I try to operate one of these weird black controls, 558 00:31:14,057 --> 00:31:16,720 a small black light lights up in black to let you know you've done it. 559 00:31:17,298 --> 00:31:19,578 It it some kind of Galactic hyper hearse? 560 00:31:19,698 --> 00:31:22,777 Maybe the designer had eyes that respond to different wavelengths. 561 00:31:22,897 --> 00:31:24,600 Or had no imagination! 562 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,400 Perhaps he was feeling very depressed. 563 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,586 It's beginning to make me feel spacesick! 564 00:31:29,706 --> 00:31:31,430 Timesick! We're going backwards through time. 565 00:31:31,550 --> 00:31:36,406 - Now I AM going to be ill! - We could do with some colour here. 566 00:31:42,156 --> 00:31:45,526 Oh, that's better! Have you managed to make sense of the controls? 567 00:31:47,616 --> 00:31:49,897 No. We just stopped fiddling with them. 568 00:31:52,703 --> 00:31:53,983 OK, Hotblack, 569 00:31:54,103 --> 00:31:57,679 the black ship's ready to crash into the sun of Kakrafoon. 570 00:31:57,799 --> 00:32:00,377 Time to get there ourselves. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net